I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
