Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
