you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
