Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
