I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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