bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
