i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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