K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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