yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
