I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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