The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
