just tell him i said nine months
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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