i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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