Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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