Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
