I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
