Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
