So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Houston, we have a squirter
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
