I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
