Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
