just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
