i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
