i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my shit smells like andre
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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