She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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