It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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