Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
