I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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