Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
