I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
