After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
