Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
