My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
