Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Houston, we have a blender
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
