i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
