someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
