I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
