if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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