I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
