she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
