it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
