the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Randomize
