I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
