a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
