I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
