How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
