At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
