I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize