Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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