So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
