My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
