Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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