Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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