Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
