Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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