She is in my trunk
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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