so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
