Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
