Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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