i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize