omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
