even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
