FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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