idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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