trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
