and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
