I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
