dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
