I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
