I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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