in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sorry about my life...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
