Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
