I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
