The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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