Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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