is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
