Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
