Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
