Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
