Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
